|
- If you think you're fat; you probably are. Don't ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up put it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we, again, can find the perfect gift.
- If you ask a question to which you do not wish to hear an answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Sunday sports are like the changing of the moon. Let it be.
- Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as: navel lint, shotgun patterns, and carburetors.
- Shopping is not a sport.
- Anything you wear is fine, really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work.
- No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
- Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss occasionally.
- Most guys own three or four pair of shoes. What makes you think we would be any good at choosing which pair, of thirty, would be OK with your dress?
- "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for seventeen days is a problem. See a doctor.
- Your mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
- Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissable in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we appreciate how beautiful you are?
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- You can ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done,
not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions; neither do we.
- Sidewalks, intersections, and doorways are not places to have conversations.
- Color does not matter all than much. Really.
- If we can't see you, don't expect us to hear you.
- What we say is what we mean; there are no subtle meanings or hidden details.
|
